To dwell in dreams
by bonesmad
Summary: it does not do to dwell in dreams and forget to live...
1. Chapter 1

"_Dad get up! Your turn to cook breakfast." Alexis called and he immediately woke up groaning. She came to his bedroom door and opened it. "I can only come home every few weekends and this is what you're going to do? Sleep it away" he sat up._

"_I'm up." He said rubbing his eyes. _

"_Come on we're hungry." _

"_You're twenty one. Make your own breakfast." _

"_I cooked dinner you have to do breakfast." She threw a blanket at him. "And Johanna's up." She turned and left he groaned again and followed her out. _

"_How is she up already. I only just put her to bed." _

"_Where's Kate?" Alexis asked sitting at the counter._

_"She got called in on a homicide at four this morning." He ran a hand through his hair and smiled when he saw what else was sitting at the counter. "Hello gorgeous! Look at you all smiley, did your big sister change your nappy?_"

"_She did not. She said she'd leave you have the honour." He picked up his youngest child and winced at the smell_

"_Gee thanks. When you heading back." _

"_Tomorrow. Exams all next week." _

"_How you se…" _

* * *

_BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP_

He reached out and tried to find his alarm clock.

"Dad get up! Your turn to cook breakfast." Alexis called out. He frowned at the feeling of de-ja-vu.

"Coming." He sighed and swung his legs out of the bed. He walked out to the kitchen and he got a strange feeling in his stomach when he saw that the high chair was no longer attached to the end of the counter. _It was just a dream Richard! _He scolded himself.

"Morning" Alexis smiled sitting at the counter. He frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing just a bad dream." He ran a hand through his hair and smiled "What shall we have for breakfast?"

"Morning Castle." Beckett said sitting down in her desk chair, looking over at him.

"hmm." He said staring off into space.

"I said good morning. You ok? Late night." She smiled sitting down at her desk.

"Something like that." He muttered. Her face fell slightly, what young blonde had he spent the night with now. "Not what you think though." He continued.

"What did I think?" she tried to cover but he ignored it.

"Have you ever had a dream that felt so real that you are almost convinced that it was real. When you can still see everything so clearly that it feels like things are missing when you wake up, you can distinctly remember smelling every smell…" he was still staring off past her.

"What are you on about! Look I need to do some paperwork before we get another body drop so if you're just going to keep blabbing on I'll have to ask you to move."

"No sorry, I'm done." He shook his head and looked at her. "Can help I?" he stopped shaking his head. "Must still be tired. Can I help?"

"Can you ever?"

"I'm hurt." He feigned offence. "I'll get the coffee." He got up and she watched as he walked towards the espresso machine, wondering what had him acting so strange.

* * *

_"Castle I am going to kill you." She said through gritted teeth._

"_Ah Beckett. You don't mean that."_

"_At this moment and time I most definitely mean it." she screamed again. "This is all your fault!" _

"_Takes two Kate. Takes two" he grinned, she opened her mouth to respond but all that came out was a ear piercing scream. "Ok I'm sorry it's all my fault!" he conceded gripping her hand. "Keep going Kate. Keep going." He urged unable to wipe the smile off his face._

"_It's a girl!" the doctor said wrapping the small bundle up and placing it in Kate's arms. She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face, he pushed her hair off her sweat-covered face. _

"_A girl Castle." She looked back down at their daughters face._

"_Little Johanna." He whispered._

"_Johanna Castle." She replied wiping a tear from her face._

* * *

"Castle… Castle?" Beckett said kicking the side of the couch to wake him up. He sat up quickly. He had to blink a few times to clear a ringing in his ears, these dreams were really starting to get to him. He smiled when he looked up at her. She had never seemed more beautiful. "Am Castle…" she raised an eyebrow. He shook his head.

"Sorry what."

"Wake up. We're going home." that woke him up.

"We?" she frowned realising her mistake.

"Yes we as in the whole team. We're all going to our own homes." She reiterated.

"Oh right yes of course." He stood up, finding himself very close to her. his hand went out without his telling it too and he pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. It was done before she had time to react. He paused realising what he had done then coughed. "Good night Beckett." He slipped out and walked straight to the elevator without looking back. These dreams had to stop, it was just too real.

* * *

_"Castle what are we doing…" she whispered running a finger along his collarbone._

_"If I have to tell you detective then we definitely shouldn't have done it." he grinned kissing the top of her head. She laughed softly._

_"You know what I mean."_

_"We are doing what we've been running towards for the past four years." He said his hand stroking her back._

_"This was stupid." She went to sit up but he didn't let her._

_"Now, now Detective don't say that. This was perfect." She looked up into his blue eyes and smiled. He hadn't realised that the expression heart skipped a beat, could actually happen until he looked into her deep eyes at that moment._

* * *

He swirled the glass watching the brown liquid as it spun. He needed to sleep. The latest case had been long and hard, and he had a splitting headache and had even gotten sick, but he couldn't go to sleep. The dreams were a constant now. Every time he closed his eyes that life flooded his brain. He couldn't get rid of it, and each time it was becoming more vivid, clearer and stronger. It was interrupting his everyday life, making him dazed and sluggish. He couldn't go to the 12th anymore because he found himself staring at her more then normal, and everyone was beginning to notice. It was getting embarrassing. So he was spending his days in his office, pretending to try to write.

BUZZ BUZZ BUZZ

He looked at his phone to see BECKETT flash across the screen. He smiled before he could stop himself. He picked it up and answered forgoing his usual quip.

"Castle."

"We have a body, you'll like this one. Found outside the stage door of _Wicked. _Painted green." He sat up straighter. "You want in on this one. I know you've been busy writing but…"

"Be there in ten!" he said hanging up and throwing his drink down the sink.

"I'm telling you theatre fan gone mad, Fieryo tends to be a relatively famous and always good looking actor, these fans can do strange things!"

"You're telling me that someone killed Lindsay because the leading man kissed her on the cheek. Really?" she looked at him sceptically.

"I would put money on it." he nodded turning to her to continue talking but a shot rang out and hit the wall behind him.

"Get down!" Beckett shouted, but the crime scene full of officers were way ahead of her, Ryan and Beckett ran after the shooter as he fired off another few shots. Castle heard Esposito groan and hit the floor, he ran to his side to see blood pumping out of his leg. His brain going into auto pilot he ripped off his belt and wrapped it around his leg, then used his jacket to try and stop the bleeding. The crime scene was on high alert, and making sure someone was watching Javier Castle took off after Beckett and Ryan, he couldn't see them and turned into an alley trying to see them. Suddenly something black came at him from around the corner and he cracked his head off the sidewalk. Blinding pain flashed through him and he slowly lost consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

_"Oh look at her!" Kate said gripping his arm. "She looks so gorgeous." She continued. He grinned, Johanna did another twirl in her pink flower girl dress._

_"she really does. No darling don't pull out the flowers!" he said as the six year old went for her hair. There was a small cough from the door and the three of them turned to look. Kate gasped. Castle felt tears well up in his eyes. Alexia was standing in the doorframe with her flowers in her hand._

_"Oh Lexie…" he whispered stepping towards her._

_"Do I look ok." she asked, tears forming in her own eyes._

_"You look…" he shook his head and left his mouth hanging open. Kate came up behind him._

_"Richard Castle, world famous author, is speechless. Doesn't that say it all Alexia. Never thought I'd see the day."_

_"I saw it before!" Alexia said, "the day he married you." Kate grinned._

_"You look amazing darling." She said kissing her step-daughters cheek._

_Her father put out his arm and she took it._

_"Just so you know this doesn't mean I'm giving you away completely." He said smiling at her._

_"You'll always be my main man dad."_

* * *

"Castle can you hear me?" he had never had such a bad hangover. "Castle please wake up." He was wondering why someone was so desperate to wake him up after… he stopped, he couldn't remember going to The Old Haunt. All he could remember was… "Castle! Open your eyes." The voice said and he felt someone grip his arm.

"Beckett what are you doing. Let me go back to sleep." He said trying to turn over but found that he was stopped.

"Castle open your eyes. You hit your head off the sidewalk you have to wake up."

Now he remembered, the alley. He opened his eyes and blinked.

"Did you get the guy."

"Ya we got him. You were wrong. It wasn't a jealous fan. It was a jealous boyfriend. He thought Lindsay was having an affair and when he found out that it was just all over an obsession with an actor he lost the plot." She said smiling at him.

"I was right about the jealousy." He said sitting up.

"hang on lie back." Said a voice he didn't recognise.

"Who's this?"

"This is the doctor Castle."

"Esposito!" he sat up again.

"Your friend is fine he's gone into hospital. Said you saved him." The doctor said taking a look at the lump that had formed on the back of head.

"Oh good." He smiled when his vision cleared enough for him to look into Kate's eyes. She smiled too but her face fell just as quickly.

"Doctor take a look at his eyes is there something wrong?" she said moving aside for the doctor.

"His pupils blown, were going to have to take you to the hospital Mr Castle."

"Blown. What's that mean?" he asked

"Could be signs of a concussion or bleeding after the trauma." The doctor said "We really have to get you to the hospital and do some scans." Castle didn't know what to think, he was so confused, and his head hurt like hell. He felt something warm in his hand and looked down to find Kate's fingers wrapped around his own.

"ok. let's go." He said nodding.

* * *

_"Dad!" Alexis said covering her eyes. He froze for a second then grabbed a cushion to try maintain some decency._

_"Alexis what are you doing here! I thought you were staying with you're mother for the break."_

_"I was but she decided she wanted to go to London so I came home." she said still covering her eyes._

_"Oh right." he was still standing there with only a cushion. Then there was a laugh from behind him, Beckett had buried herself down in the blankets on the couch when the door had opened but couldn't stay quiet anymore._

_"Dad I'm gonna go to my room. Give you time to… sort yourself out." She ran up the stairs._

_"Castle, as much as I like staring at your ass, maybe we should get dressed." Kate said standing up. "Are you blushing Castle?"_

_"She's never… caught me…"_

_"Ever?"_

_"I normally make it to the bedroom. I normally have enough control." He recovered and turned to grin at her. it was her turn to blush._

* * *

"Dad the doctor's here. can you sit up." He heard Alexis say, why was no one letting him sleep lately. He opened his eyes and grunted. "Dad sit up." She poked him.

"Ya, ya, ya I'm up." He said. After three day's of tests he was exhausted, and tired of waiting for news.

"I have your test results. Will we talk in private?" The doctor asked.

"No Alexis can stay."

"Mr Castle, we found a tumour. A brain tumour. It's small and would appear to be benign but we will have to remove it. Have you noticed anything strange lately."

"Am…" he didn't know what to say.

"He's had headaches, and has been slightly dazed lately, forgetting things, repeating himself." Alexis said taking his hand.

"and the dreams! I've been having these insanely vivid dreams."

"They wouldn't have been caused by the tumour. But all the other symptoms would have been. Any ringing in your ears or blurred vision?"

"Both." He said

"You really should have had all this checked out Mr Castle."

"I just presumed this was all from lack of sleep."

"You weren't sleeping?" Alexis asked looking at him.

"Never mind. When do I need surgery doctor?"

"In the morning. I already have a slot for you."

"Thank you Doctor." He said looking down at his lap.

"I'll be around in about an hour again if you have any questions." He said and left the room.

"Dad…" Alexis took his hand again in both of hers, "…What are we going to do."

"You're going to go get us jello from the cafeteria and I am going to wait and have surgery in the morning." He smiled and lay back in his bed.

"But dad…" he shook his head.

"Shh." He closed his eyes.

* * *

_"She won't eat. She has to eat." Beckett said running a hand through her hair. He closed the fridge and turned to the counter._

_"Maybe she's full."_

_"She can't be full. She hasn't eaten since this morning! Its eight o clock." He lent over the counter and picked a piece of banana out of her hair._

_"Maybe she has an upset stomach, if she doesn't want to eat she won't."_

_"She has to be hungry!"_

_"If she wakes during the night I'll get up with her." he said taking the spoon off her and wiping his daughters face._

_"How did you do this by yourself." She asked taking the small girl out of her high-chair, she was rubbing her eyes with tiredness._

_"Do what? The baby thing. Alexis was always the perfect child. Ever since day one."_

_"Does that mean we have a delinquent on our hands here?" they looked at ea__ch other._

_"That's your genes!" they said at the exact same time, then laughed._

* * *

His head was still throbbing when he woke up again. Would this headache ever end.

"Alexis go home and get some sleep, I promise I'll stay here with him. You can come back in the morning before he goes to theatre." He'd recognise that voice anywhere.

"Beckett?" he said opening his eyes and sitting up.

"Hey Castle. I just got your daughter to go home, it's midnight."

"How are you here. they're very strict about visiting hours here."

"i…" she muttered something.

"What?" he leaned forward towards her.

"I told them I'm your fiancée." He grinned while she blushed.

""Why Beckett, how nice of you." Her face grew serious again.

"Rick what do they have to do…"

"They have to take out a tumour from my brain." He said nodding.

"Castle..." He sighed.

"Beckett I'm tired. Could you…" he lay back.

"No I'm staying. I promised Alexis' I'd stay." She sat back in her chair and pulled out a book.

"Really you're reading Conrad's new book."

"I thought you were tired." She raised an eyebrow.


	3. Chapter 3

She closed the book, and placed it on his bedside locker. It was good. But Conrad was no Richard Castle. She watched him as slept soundly, his chest slowly rising and falling. Her head hurt just thinking about what they were going to do to him tomorrow. Take something out his brain, a mass that was hurting him, slowly destroying his brain. But he was so calm, so reassuring, still joking. She was kicking herself for not noticing that he'd changed over the past few months. How forgetful he'd gotten, how he'd seemed dazed. She'd presumed he was preoccupied with something, a new book or something. He'd complained of headaches before during cases because he was staying up all night thinking. She should have noticed though, she spent almost as much time with him as his family, she really should have noticed.

"Did you get some sleep?" she turned to the door to find Alexis standing there.

"Am yes." She smiled.

"Don't lie to me. I am better at telling then dad." She came in and sat on the chair opposite Beckett.

"It's six in the morning, why are you here so early?"

"I couldn't sleep either." She sighed taking off her coat. "I have almost gotten used to him being faced with bullets and bombs but I never thought he'd be sick."

"I know. You must be so worried."

"I'm not the only one." She smiled at the older woman.

"I thought I was dreaming, but it looks like I really do have the two most beautiful women in the world leaning over my bedside." The two of them looked down at Castle then rolled their eyes.

"Don't flatter yourself we're just about to give out about you." Alexis said taking his hand.

"I don't care, I'm just glad you're here." he smiled. "now I have some bad news. This may upset and well devastate both of you." He stopped. Beckett frowned wondering what he could be leading too. He reached out and took her hand too. "I think they'll have to shave my head." The two of them dropped his hands and sat back.

"Castle." She groaned while Alexia sighed.

"I know horrific." He shook his head.

"You'll get over it and live." His daughter goaded. "will I get you some coffee Kate?"

"I'll get it." she said standing up.

"Oh I'd love one." Castle sat up.

"You're fasting remember." She said grinning at him and leaving the room.

she returned with two coffee's, only to find an empty room. Panic set in immediately and she turned back out to go to the nurses station only to run into Alexis.

"There you are. They took him down early."

"How was he?"

"Asleep." Alexis grinned. Kate handed her a coffee.

"for you. Decaf so your dad doesn't shoot me." Little Castle rolled her eyes.

"Thank you." They were led to a waiting room, and they sat together on the only two seater in the room. Alexis snuggled into the detective's side, giving her a shock in the process. She forgot sometimes how young Alexis was, it hit her then that she was just a small girl terrified for her father. "What if he doesn't make it Kate?" she whispered.

"What will I do?"

"He's going to be fine. He's in good hands, and god knows he's a fighter." She said in return wrapping an arm around the teenager, and stroking her hair. "You have your grandmother, your mother, and me. But you're not getting rid of him anytime soon." As if on queue Martha arrived into the waiting room.

"Oh darlings, am I late?" she said sitting in the armchair beside Beckett.

"He was taken up to theatre about ten minutes ago." Alexis said reaching across to take her grandmothers hand.

"I wanted to see him." She said sadly.

"he'll be out soon enough." Beckett said smiling at the older woman.

"He'll be thrilled you're here." Martha said using her other hand to grasp the detective's.

* * *

_He opened his eyes slowly and as they cleared he found himself staring up at the white tiled ceiling. He groaned and tried to reach up and rub his throbbing head but the wires in his arm stopped him. Why exactly was he in hospital._

_"Rick hey." A soft voice said from beside him. He turned his head to see Kate sitting beside him. He smiled._

"_Hello Mrs Castle." She laughed. _

"_Only you could manage to get shot at our wedding." She took his hand._

"_Ah yes that's what happened." He said remembering. "Did you get him" her smiled widened._

"_Ya we did. Javi got one hell of a shot out the window. He's down." he sighed._

"_Thank god." He thought back to the moment when his new wife's shooter arrived at their reception and opened fire. _

"_dad!" Alexia said rushing into the room._

"_Lexi hi." He winced slightly when she hugged him._

"_Careful Alexia he has a gunshot wound to the heart." Beckett said pulling the young woman back slightly. _

"_Ye just had to match didn't you." Alexis laughed. Beckett stood up_

"_I'll let you two have a minute." She said going towards the door. it was then he noticed that she was still in her wedding dress. He remembered how he'd felt the first time he'd seen her in that dress, she looked radiant, the snow white strapless dress against her pale skin made her dark hair and sharp features even more exquisite. She had taken his breath away, and now that same dress was covered in dark crimson spashes, his blood. "I might go change." _

"_Your poor dress." Alexis stroked the material. "It's ruined."_

"_Well it's not like I'm ever going to wear it again." she smiled at him. "I'll be back soon." And kissed him on the cheek._

* * *

_He watched as she typed furiously at the keys of the computer. When taking a break between assaulting that and the mouse she was sighing. He frowned and walked over to her desk. Coffee's in hand. _

"_What's wrong Kate?" he asked._

"_I'm late." She hissed. Not taking her eyes off the computer._

"_what?" he asked now more confused._

"_I'M LATE" the hiss grew louder the meaning hit him. His mouth opened in a small o but no sound escaped. "exactly." She said her typing getting more furious._

"_Are you…"_

"_I don't know." She cut him off. "But I've never been late." _

"_Kate look at me." He said taking her hand. She turned slowly. "What is wrong. If this is what I think it is, then isn't that great." Her face softened. _

"_You men you want this…" she said softly. He moved back shocked._

"_Why wouldn't I?" he asked completely confused as to what she could be thinking._

"_Alexis is twenty, you've done all this I just presumed you were done…" _

"_Well you should have asked. I love nothing more than the idea of having a child with the love of my life." He took her other hand in his as well. "Do you want this…" a smile spread across her face and she nodded. _

* * *

"_Ok have we got everything?" Kate said checking the backpack once more. _

"_Yes mommy." The little girl said while bouncing on her heels. "Can we go now!" she sighed. He laughed at the two, the little girl was a mini me of her mother, from the dark curls right down to the impatience. _

"_I think she's ready to go to school Kate." _

"_I just want to make sure she has everything."_

"_Mommy I'm going to be late."_

"_Ok, ok." she knelt down in front in her daughter and smiled. "Be good! Have fun." She kissed her forehead. _

* * *

_He smiled and wrapped an arm around her. _

"_She said she's going to call in Monday evening." Kate smiled leaning back into his embrace. _

"_That's nice. She's around for the book party so." _

"_They all are." She nodded. _

"_Is Lexi going to bring the kids?" he asked. _

"_Maybe just Martha. Alex and Edgar are a bit too young." She said relating the conversation she'd had with her eldest daughter the day before. _

"_Very good." He nodded. She looked up at him._

"_So this is it. your final book. The last." _

"_Final Battle." He smiled. "Henry Battle's last adventure." She smiled thinking of his fourth hero. After Niki Heat had come Lyla Pond. And finally Henry, the treasure hunter who put his family before all. She hadn't even been allowed to read this one. She was made wait with the rest of the world, for Richard Castle's last novel. _

"_Now we can travel the world. Maybe read a little." She smiled and wrappedher arms aroundhis chest._

"_I love you Kate." _

"_I love you too Rick."_

_He stood his heart in his mouth. _

"_Katherine Beckett was the light of my life. Yes we spent years listening to jokes about how it was third time's a charm, but I know Meridith and Gina will understand when I say that she was my one and only. My true soulmate." He took deep breath. "She did outstanding work for her city, put so many criminals behind bars, and avenged so many deaths and this is a fitting send off for her." he looked out at the sea of hundreds of faces. "I speak for my daughters and grandchildren when I say we'll miss you Kate. And I speak for myself when I say that I adored and revered you, you were my muse and my life source, and most definitely my better half. I'll love you forever." The tears flowed freely _


	4. Chapter 4

"Castle. The doctors said you should be awake by now. And we're all getting pretty worried. So if you could just wake up that would be great. I never thought I'd say this but I miss your annoying voice." It was almost like a whisper in his ear. He tried to open his eyes, but they just didn't want to. He was still too tired. He just wanted to sleep a little more. Then it hit him. That was Kate talking to him. How was…

"Kate…" he whispered his voice slightly raspy.

"Castle! Thank God!" he felt someone take his hand.

"How…" he swallowed and tried again. "How are you here?" he asked slowly opening his eyes. To look at her. then he realised that he was looking at a younger version of Kate. "Oh Johanna I'm sorry."

"Johanna?" the woman sitting in front of him leaned forward.

"How are you darling? What's happened?" he asked. Her forehead furrowed and it startled him. "Johanna what's wrong?"

"Why are you calling me Johanna." She was getting upset now, was he really joking with her like this.

"What do you mean?"

"It's me Kate. This isn't funny." She pulled back from him. It was his turn to look confused.

"Kate what are you…" he stopped. "No this isn't funny. You're dead" he said looking straight at her.

"Dead…Castle…" she stood up and stepped back. "What are you talking about."

"Am I dead is this what…" she cut him off.

"Castle you had brain surgery this morning. You're fine." She said stretching out to take his hand but he pulled back.

"Get out who ever you are!" he said snapping. She turned and went out to the nurses station.

"It's Richard Castle he's awake but there's something wrong." She blurted out to the first nurse she could find.

* * *

She paced back and forth running her fingers through her hair, alternating between sitting, standing and leaning, she had passed the last hour slowly. Alexis was curled up with her head on her grandmothers lap. The door opened and the surgeon walked in.

"I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, we were just running a few tests." He said sitting in the chair next to Martha. "He's awake and responding, the operationseems to have been a success, but he is very confused, it seems that he is unable to separate the dream's he had due to the anaesthetic. It should pass, just give him a little time, and don't get him worked up." He turned to Kate. "He's asking for you." She looked at Martha who nodded to her.

* * *

She opened the door slowly and went around the door. the bed was empty and she panicked for a second. He was in the bathroom staring at himself in the mirror. "Rick what are you doing out of bed!"

"I just wanted to see myself. My legs are sturdy enough." She went to guide him back to the bed, but he turned in her arms. "I'm sorry I frightened you early. It seems I had a bad dream." She smiled, he wasn't confused anymore.

"Let's get you back to bed." She said. Letting him lean on her.

"Always trying to get me into bed Katherine." He smiled. she ignored it and helped him up into the high hospital bed. "Thank you Darling." He said kissing her lightly. she pulled back sharply.

"What are you doing Castle." She asked pushing her hair back behind her ears, her heart thumping.

"What did the doctor ban getting out of bed and kissing my wife?" he smiled.

"your wife…" she took a few steps back.

"Yes. Kate what's wrong with you?" he asked sadness crossing his eyes.

"Nothing. Just tired." She smiled not sure of what to do. He looked down, and pulled his gown down slightly.

"Where is it?" he asked rubbing his chest.

"Where's what Castle." She was getting more and more worried by the second.

"My scar…" he whispered. "It's not tight anymore. What happened?"

"What scar Castle you don't have a scar."

"Why are you calling me Castle. You haven't called me that in years" he looked up at her again.

"Sorry Rick." She smiled. he pulled his at his gown again.

"Can you see it?" he asked again.

"See what Rick?" humour him, she thought. Just humour him.

"My scar, I can't see it."

"it's right there Castle." She leaned over and took his hand away. "on your chest."

"Just like yours." He whispered. She stopped as his started stroking her hand with his thumb.

"The doctor said I had a brain tumour."

"You don't remember."

"Not really. I just remember dropping Johanna to playschool was that yesterday?"

"Am ya." This was so surreal; he had created this whole world in his dream.

"so a brain tumour." He pouted. "they had to shave my head." She laughed.

"I know, but it'll grow back."

"Did they get it all?"

"I don't know the doctor hasn't said too much."

"Probably because I just woke up." he looked down at his chest again.

"I'm going to go get your mother an Alexis, they're worried sick."

"And Johanna." He asked

"she… she's with my dad." She smiled tightly and nodded.

* * *

"Is he ok?" Alexis asked standing up.

"He's very confused. Very confused," she repeated.

"How so."

"He seems to think we're married with a daughter, Johanna. He seems to have dreamt it all up while on the table, he knows that most of it was all a dream. But not all of it."

"So are we supposed to pretend that that's all real. That you and dad…" Alexis said with a confused look on her face.

"For now I guess. The doctor did say not to get him worked up." Martha said looking at the woman who was suddenly her daughter-in-law. Alexis left the waiting room and Beckett sat down next to Martha. "This is going to be tough."

"Tell me about it."


	5. Chapter 5

"Doctor I don't think that's a good idea." She shook her head rapidly.

"Miss Beckett at this moment in time it really is the best thing for him."

"He thinks I'm his wife doctor! He thinks we have a daughter. How is it better to lie to him?" she sighed and sat down again.

"Mr Castle has had major brain surgery. We need to aid his recovery as much as we can, telling him his world is a lie isn't going to do that."

"I can't lie to him like this." she said looking up at the surgeon.

"I understand, but he needs people around him that love him and will look out for him. If you don't think you ca…"

"No I'll do it."

"Let me talk you through his meds."

He reached over and took her hand as it rested on the gear stick. He stroked it lightly with his thumb and she gritted her teeth to stop herself from pulling back. It was too weird, nice, she thought, but weird.

"This is a good idea. Going to the Hampton's for a few weeks. No one will see my bald patch." She couldn't help but laugh. "I don't see why we couldn't bring the girls though."

"School, that's one reason." She shrugged.

"And I know the other." he wiggled his eyebrows, wincing slightly.

"Oh?"

"you want me alone for a few weeks. It's understandable. You have been working very hard lately." She rolled her eyes.

"You just had major surgery Rick, all I want is for you too recover. Nothing else."

"It's the hair isn't it? you just can't love me anymore when I look like a monk."

"Yes Rick that's it." she smiled.

"I don't see why I can't go up!" Alexis said closing the door behind herself.

"I decided that it was best for the two of them to go away, if you can go he'll start asking where his… where his other daughter is." Martha said watching as her granddaughters face fell.

"Darling I no it's hard but the doctor assures us that this will wear off soon enough and that to pretend he's right. that everything's the way he thinks it is. You can call him." She hugged her.

"I just feel bad for Kate. It has to be hard."

"I don't know, this seems to be your fathers subconscious manifesting itself. Maybe this is what the two of them need…" Alexis look shocked.

"Dad is caught in a post surgery haze and you're thinking about the two of them getting together." She threw her grandmother a look.

"Of course darling. Silver lining!" Alexis took a moment.

"He did say he's been having dreams for a while." She said.

"Maybe he's faking…" Martha said almost to herself.

"He wouldn't pretend to have a daughter they named after her mother! He's not cruel."

"True." She nodded. "Let's just be thankful he's alive darling."

"Where are you going?" he asked reaching out for her hand, they'd arrived a half an hour ago, he'd insisted on sitting on the porch for a while, but now she'd insisted he go to bed. He'd been kind of wary when they'd arrived first. She'd tried to act like she knew the house, like she'd been there a hundred times before, but that was easier said then done, there's only so much correct guessing you can do in a strange kitchen.

"I'm leaving you sleep." She said dropping her hand out of his way.

"It's late you should sleep too."

"I will." She nodded and went for the door again

"Where are you going?" he repeated. "Your bed is here. lie down." he smiled at her and she froze.

"I… I am going to go get a drink and stuff, take your tablets and get some sleep."

"I want you to stay." He said sadly. "In…in that dream at the hospital, you died. We were old, the girls were grown up. But I was speaking at your funeral. It was awful. Please stay." He said and with that look in his eyes she couldn't throw him off. She sat on the edge of the bed and while he took lay down facing him.

"Just remember you are only a week post op, no funny business." She raised an eyebrow.

"Yes Detective Castle." He smirked.

"Don't call me that." She shoved him lightly.

"Will you ever get used to that?" he asked his eyes slowly closing.

"Never." She smiled and watched as he drifted off. She had never looked so peaceful, maybe it was just because for the last week anytime she'd seen him this quiet he'd been connected to countless wires. Her smile faltered as she once again reminded herself that this wasn't real. She wasn't his wife. This wasn't her house. She got up as quietly as she could and slipped downstairs. It was dark now, and she had to turn on lights along the way so she could see. This house truly was amazing. Tall ceilings, pale furniture, very different to his apartment, vintage, floral patterns, a woman's house. She wondered briefly was that woman Meridith, Gina or Martha. Then she got to his study, that was completely different to the rest of the house, this was transplanted from the apartment, all leather and rich colours, and of course framed covers of his books. All twenty-five of them. Right up to _Raging Heat_, the wall next to it contained about twenty framed children's drawings. Alexis's. He really was an amazing father. Her phone buzzed loudly in her pocket and sitting down at his desk she pulled it out.

"Beckett."

"How are you Mrs Castle?"

"That's not funny Lanie." She sighed.

"I'm sorry I couldn't resist." The ME laughed. "How are you getting on."

"it's hard. He's asking questions, noticing the holes."

"that's not surprising, I mean very little of it is true, the holes are gaping."

"None of it's true Lanie."

"Oh girl don't bother. We both know you love him and he loves you. Just because you're both as stubborn as each other don't mean it ain't true."

"How are you and Javi doing."

"That was low."

"This house is amazing. I wish you could see it."

"And now it's half yours. Sorry I'll stop."

"He thinks we have a daughter, it's just too weird."

"You're doing this to help him. Just remember that. And ring me if you need too. Hell take advantage if you need too."

"Goodbye Lanie!" she said hanging up. She flipped open her phone again and sent a quick message to Alexis and Martha. _We're here, he's gone to bed. Talk to you in the morning._


	6. Chapter 6

She moved around the now familiar kitchen, watching that the eggs didn't burn. She'd been up for hours, after another fitful sleep on the couch across from Castle's bed. He'd barley moved all night, when she'd woken up he was still sound asleep, she'd smiled when she'd heard him snore lightly, realising what she was doing she decided it was time she got up.

The kitchen was equipped with everything you could possibly want, ever. She could live in this kitchen! The coffee machine was even more elaborate then the one he'd gotten for the office, and even though she hadn't thought it possible, it made better coffee. She was whistling as she walked around the room, moving a pan, washing the spatula, turning the bacon. It was nice to have a morning off after to long, true she was worried that her phone would ring in a murder and take her from her relaxation.

"Now Detective I do recall you telling me on numerous occasions that whistling is a very bad habit."

"it's ok when there's no-one around to hear you." She smiled, he sat up on a stool by the island. "Bacon?"

"Always!" he practically licked his lips and pushed a plate forward. She dished out the food readily. "I'm starving." He said picking up some of it with his fingers and wincing when it burned his fingers, she walked around to him.

"Fork Castle?" she said holding one out.

"What would I do without you?" he asked taking it.

"Annoy someone else?" she asked turning to go to the sink he grabbed her hand and spun her around pulling her onto his lap. "Never. I'm a one muse writer." He kissed her briefly on the lips and she pulled back in shock. He tilted his head slightly wondering briefly about her reaction. "My heads fine I promise." He said leaning in again, and this time she didn't pull back. It was so different to their last (and first) kiss, it was slow and gentle with a lot less shock on her part. It was unlike anything she had ever felt before, so personal and loving, she felt more connection in that light kiss then she had from anything else she'd done with a man ever. He pulled back when they were both in need of air. "I have missed that more then you'll ever know." He whispered, she couldn't find any words. He grinned. "Was it that good Kate. You're speechless." He rubbed his thumb on her cheek. She pulled back then.

"I should wash up." She said turning back to the sink. He watched as she walked away.

* * *

"No Espo, there's no point it'll be a burner cell. Just another dead end. I think you and Ryan should have another look at the brother-in-law. His alibi doesn't sit right with me." She balanced her phone on her shoulder as she tied up her hair. She was sitting on a swing on the front porch trying to help the boys with a seemingly dead case. "alright. Let me know, good luck." She hung up and looked up at the stars. They were so bright out here, nothing compared to the city. They'd been here a week and a half now. It was so peaceful and quiet here. she kept fining herself forgetting that it was all fake. she shouldn't be here, in his home, living with him. Every few minutes she had to shake herself out of his dream.

"Kate?" the front door opened and he came out to her.

"I'm here." she said not even turning around to him.

"Gorgeous night isn't it… had I the heaven in embroidered cloths, enwrought with golden and silver light. The blue and the dim and the dark cloths of night and light and the half-light…" he stopped but Beckett took over.

"I would spread the cloths under your feet, but I being poor have only my dreams. I have spread my dreams under your feet…"

"Tread softly because you tread on my dreams…" the said the final line together.

"W.B. Yeats. One of the greats." He said smiling down at her.

"One of my favourites." She finally looked up at him. He put his hand out for her and she just looked at it.

"Come with me." He said smiling. Her eyes narrowed but she took his hand anyway.

"Where are we going."

"Sush just come with me." He said putting a finger to his lips, he led her through the house and right out the back door, "Close your eyes." He said his hand on the door handle.

"Richard…" she half laughed.

"just do it." and she complied. He opened the door and gently walked her out onto the back porch. "Ok. Open." He said letting her go. She slowly opened her eyes and gasped. In front of her was a red picnic blanket littered in pillows with white candles all around.

"Oh Castle…" tears welled up in her eyes again, he walked over and picked up a picnic basket from behind one pile of pillows "…What's all this for?"

"You've been so good to me lately that when I realised I could bend over without getting dizzy I thought I should do something nice for you, my loving caring sexy wife." She smiled so broadly at him her cheeks began to ache.

"Thank you Castle…" he sat down on the blanket and gestured for her to join him.

* * *

The following morning she woke up first as always. But this time was different, she wasn't looking at him across the room this morning. She was lying on the bed with his arm around his waist. Nothing had happened, they'd stayed up talking until all hours and she'd fallen asleep before him, before she could get out of the bed and sleep on the couch. She smiled as she felt him tighten his grip around her.

"Hmm good morning." He said into her hair. Then once again reality dawned. She couldn't do this. she sat up and turned around to him.

"morning. I better go make breakfast." She tried to get up but he held her down.

"No don't… this is the first morning I've woken up with you… I was starting to think that you were avoiding me." A small nervous laugh escaped her.

"Time for your pain meds." She took his arm off herself and reached over for his tablets. Holding them out to him he took them but stayed looking at her, she could see the questions in his eyes. "Kate…" he was cut off when his phone started blaring. "Hello….Alexis!" he grinned at Beckett who smiled at his excitement. "How are you? You're missing some lovely fencing weather up here… I know you have exams but still…Yeah, yeah I know you're very responsible… is your grandmother there, or Johanna…" his face fell. "…oh right. no bother… ok talk to you soon. Love you Alexis. Give Mom and Johanna a kiss for me. Talk soon." He hung up and looked sadly at the phone.

"You alright?" she asked sitting down next to him.

"My mother was out at the park with Johanna." Beckett's heart sped up, they'd gone a whole ten hours without mentioning _their daughter._ "I haven't seen her in three weeks. I miss her." he played with his glass of water. She didn't know what to say. "Don't you?" he asked finally looking up at her. she took his hand.

"Of course." She said in almost a whisper, she hated lying to him, but technically she wasn't. she did miss Johanna, her Johanna, her mother. It still puzzled her as to why that was the life he imagined, a life with her, another young daughter… her mind wandered back to that day at the funeral, the day he'd confessed his love for her. did he still feel that way after all these months, after she'd left him hanging for three months, after she'd hidden it from him. He was still in love with her.

"I just want to see her…" he stopped and stood up.

"Castle?" she followed him. He went straight to his desk drawers in his office and started rifling through it. "What are you looking for?"

"the photo frame that was on my desk. You know with the picture of Alexis holding Johanna at the hospital, I had a copy of it here." he said to the back of the drawer. She froze, what was she supposed to say. This was so much harder then she had ever anticipated. "Kate why is there no pictures from the last three years here. the place looks like it did before we got married, there's none of our wedding photo's here. no pictures of Johanna, none of your things. What is going on." He stood up getting rather angry. She swallowed a lump and looked at him.

"Castle…"

"And that! You keep calling me Castle. You haven't called me that in years. You shy away every time I touch you, you looked at this house like this is your first time here."

"you know the way you had a dream while you were in surgery…." He nodded. "…it was all a dream Castle." She said slowly. "We're not married. We don't have a daughter." He just stared at her. "The doctor said that it would be best to just agree with you until it went away but it's been weeks and I don't think we're helping you."

"we…you…it's all a lie." He said taking a minute. "You all lied to me."

"I'm sorry Castle." She tried to put a hand on his arm but he pulled away.

"You pretended to be my wife! Let me believe you loved me and we had a child together." He frowned. "Is anything real. Did we ever even work together!"

"Of course we did! For years! Don't you remember the murder outside the stage door of Wicked? That was our last case."

"I need you to leave." He said not even responding. "Now."

"I can't leave you alone. You had major surgery."

"I will ring my mother. Just go."

"Rick…" his eyes widened.

"Just go!"

She turned and ran out the door tears streaming down her face. She sat into her car and hit her hands off the steering wheel

"Oh God!" she shouted, she had no idea what to do.


	7. Chapter 7

Her phone started ringing a few seconds after she had stopped herself crying. Everything had crumbled down around her like she was afraid it would. Why had she ever agreed to do this. She took a deep breath and pulled out her phone.

"Beckett."

"Oh Darling are you alright?" her headache eased when she heard Martha Rodgers' voice down the line.

"Martha I blew it he's so angry."

"I know kiddo he just rang me. He gave out to me too, but he wants me to come down. He's mad at all of us."

"What do I do? I left him believe we were a couple in love…"

"Oh Kate let's stop pretending here. you are in love. It may not have laid itself out as nicely as it did in Richard's dream but we all know it's true. You need to go back in there and talk to him."

"I can't I don't know what to say."

"Darling you need to stop thinking so much and comfort him. His world just fell apart."

"He wants you." She whispered. Martha laughed.

"Darling we all know that he wants you."

He ground his palms against his eye lids. It did nothing to ease the stabbing pain in his head. He didn't know what to think. Everything was wrong. He was being plunged back into a life that he thought he had left behind years ago. A life without her in his arms every morning. A life without knowing the joy of sitting with his two daughters to watch a movie. A life that he had loved, before he knew he could have so much more. She'd lied to him! She'd gone along with everything. He threw a book across the room. He picked up another but stopped. She'd thought it would help him heal. Help him regain his actual memories. She'd done it because she cared. He'd been so cruel. It's not her fault he imagined those things. Dreamed of a life with her. he stood up to go after her, just as the door opened. She was standing in the doorway, phone still in hand.

"I am so sorry!" she said walking towards him.

"No Kate I'm sorry." He shook his head dropping the book on his desk. "I shouldn't have snapped. You were trying to help." She nodded.

"The doctor told me to play along!" she said. "Told me that if I just agreed that it would slowly go back to the way things were." He looked down at his feet,

"You must think I'm crazy, dreaming all that stuff. About us."

"You always did have a wild imagination Castle." She said half smiling.

"It just seemed so natural." She didn't say anything. Here was the most awkward of subjects rearing its head again. The fact that they were in love with each other. she avoided it whenever possible. "so the last thing that happened was the murder at Wicked. My mother must have been thrilled, she really dislikes modern musicals." He sat up straight and smiled. "The Wizard of Oz should be left alone! Dorothy has gone over the rainbow!" he said putting on a voice that was eerily like his mothers. She laughed, feeling at ease for the first time in weeks.

"That is a fantastic impression."

"Well I heard her learning so many monologues growing up it's a wonder I don't speak like that all the time. I barely got a word in until I was twelve."

"Somehow I doubt that."

"Alright maybe three." She just laughed.

"Will I make us some lunch."

"You don't have to do that anymore you know."

"I know but I've gotten fairly used to it. I can actually work my way around the kitchen now."

"Did we eat the same spaghetti yesterday? I'm pretty sure there was washing up liquid in it." she froze.

"What why didn't you say anything!"

"You were my wife I didn't want to hurt your feelings." He shrugged. "Now I don't have to worry about that."

"Washing up liquid. Really!"

"So I need to know what has happened." He said putting his fork down, they'd opted for takeaway after ten minutes of arguing.

"I told you wicked, suspect shot Espo, you went after him fell and hit your head."

"No I mean in the whole. I mean Alexis' isn't married is she?"

"No she's not. She's finishing high school next month. Not married yet though."

"Thank god! Mother hasn't bought a house across town from the apartment?"

"No she's still living with you." His shoulders dropped.

"That's what I get for wishful thinking." He looked up at her. "Have… Have I."

"Have you what?" she was wondering what had him all tied up.

"Have I told you I love you yet." Her face dropped.

"have you…."

"Have I told you that I love you."

"Yes. A few years ago. When I got shot. But I told you I couldn't remember. I lied. But you did. You told me." She said quietly not looking up at him.

"I know. I know you lied." He said slowly, piecing things together.

"You know?"

"I heard you talking to the boy… during the bomb case. I heard you through the glass." She froze.

"You heard…" she whispered, he nodded.

"Yes. And then. And then I went to Vegas." There was almost a haze lifting from his brain.

"And came back with…" she continued.

"An air hostess yes…" he nodded. She couldn't help but half smile at the familiarity of it all, him finishing her sentences, talking about things that really had happened, no matter how much they hurt to think about.

"Castle I have to tell you something…" she decided there and then to give him something to make up for everything.

"Oh…" he leaned back in his chair.

"That day you arrived at the crime scene from Vegas…" she paused and grabbed her necklace.

"yes." He nodded.

"I had decided…" she threw her eyes up to heaven.

"I had decided to tell you that I was in love with you too."


End file.
